You take me to a place where my senses gave-way

Wow. Spending one day on campus for orientation made me realize I truly made the right choice in a college for me. VCU is PERFECT. Everything about it makes me happy. The campus, the location, the diversity. Shit, dude. There are TWO Vietnamese restaurants within walking distance of my dorm. Am I super pumped? Fuck yeah. I've made a few friends, my roommate is the shit and to be honest? I'm not sweating the gross community bathroom anymore. I'm actually kind of looking forward to that considering I spent the night in the newer dorm with the suite bathroom and I wasn't impressed at all with the layout. The sink and mirror was in the room, as opposed to the bathroom. I think I got placed in the right dorm, too. Johnson Hall has the most character of all the dorms on campus, anyway.

And I've come to learn that it's a super small world. I was talking to a girl at orientation today and we talked about where we were from and I told her I was from Kentucky and she asked me who my roommate was -- It turns out I stole her roommate! How weird is that? What were the odds of me meeting a friend of my roommate? Seriously?

OH. And I can totally eat Cap'n Crunch cereal for breakfast! AH. I'm so excited. FOR SURE.

Not too much new other than I'm fucking PUMPED for VCU and I'm glad that I applied to the school of my dreams.

I hear the song; it's new to me. But I sing along so I can feel like someone who wasn't wasting time on you.

Well. Now I'm in Virginia. It's weird. I don't know. It scares the fuck out of me that I'm an adult. When did this happen? It's bizarre. And I guess what scares me about being an adult is that it's now my turn to define what being an adult is about. [[ Thanks xkcd for that ]] I guess this just means I have to keep moving forward. There's not turning back now. Orientation is tomorrow for college. Geez. When did that happen? Haha. Everything is finally happening and it's freaking me out that it is.

I love song remixes. Like the Trash80 remix of Leeni's Raw Footage. Trash did a good job of making the song danceable. It was the first time I felt like dancing on an airplane. It was kind of silly. Hell, I'm kind of silly. But it's alright. I'd rather be silly. It makes life more fun.

Life is kind of boring here for the time being. My siblings aren't here and for the first time in fifteen years, I feel like I'm an only child. And as much as I love the peace and quiet, I'm lonely. And that's weird for me to admit. I usually never get this lonely. Sure, there are times when I would be at home by myself and my mom was at work and I'd think "I really don't want to be alone tonight" but that's a different kind of alone. This is the kind of alone that makes you want to talk to yourself and fight with yourself. I guess it's a boring kind of alone.

In other notes: it's fading. Or it feels like it is. And it's times like these when I wish that I had given up while I was ahead. Maybe it won't be so bad later on, but right now? Kind of sucks. But it's alright. I'm alright. ;] I'm a trooper.

Apparently, people think I'm a vegetarian. Which I don't understand. I mean, sure, I'm kind of skinny, but I'm carnivorous. So, this weekend for a wedding for a family member I'm not so close to I have to eat veggie lasagna. Hmm...this will be an interesting.

Anyway. This is all jumbled and not making any sense, kind of like my thoughts at the moment and I guess that's reflected. Haha.

Prop me up with another pill.

I actually kind of really dislike being sick. I'm generally the kind of person that doesn't get sick often, but when I do, boy do I manage to take the cake.

About a week ago, I contracted some kind of weird bug. I got achy in the joints and muscles, felt cold all of the time, slightly lethargic. Oh, and I lost all will, desire, and appetite, to eat and drink. The kind of sick where you just want to curl up in bed and die. After about two days, I dropped the flu-esque illness to have a new development: the right side of my throat hurt. This made swallowing difficult, naturally. I didn't think anything of it, though, because the flu thing from before, if it was a flu, and a virus, going to the doctor would not help anything. You kind of just have to let the virus run it's course. Cursed protein-encased agent!

So, I've been dealing with this for a while. And I was fine. In fact, I -feel- fine, aside from the fact that it hurts to swallow and I still lack the desire to eat. Well, today I had a new, new development in this week-long struggle to become healthy again: I can cough up blood. So my "let's just wait it out a bit longer" plan turned into "hey mom, I'm kind of coughing up blood." So, cause to worry? Perhaps. And my mom, who tends to freak out when I come down with an ailment, rushed me to the ER because we don't have a doctor here in Florida yet, and it was Sunday. -- The whole coughing up blood thing was actually kind of neat. It made for some great grossshit pictures. I'm into that stuff, too. I kind of always wanted to know what it was like to cough up blood and I finally got to know. Slightly painful, but it looks so cool.

After about an hour at the doctor, and signing my own papers because I'm legally an adult, I landed myself the diagnosis of acute pharyngitis. Doesn't sound very "cute". Bad pun, I know. So now I'm just waiting for the penicillin to kick in and fight off this infection in my throat. I'm pretty sure I've stopped bleeding, which is probably a good sign. Eh...scratch that. Definitely a good sign.

And I suppose I've learned a good lesson: people worry when you post a facebook status about spitting up blood. That was probably the most response I've ever gotten on a status. I didn't realize I gave anyone cause to alarm.

In other news, I leave in eight days. That's crazy. Summer is dwindling, and I can't believe I'm almost a college student. I can't wait until orientation, but part of me is afraid to leave my mom on her own. It's weird, but I've kind of been her rock to lean on. I've always been there for her, and she won't have me. But we both need this. And I'm ready to take this leap into adulthood.

If only tears could bring you back to me.

Tomorrow, it will have been a full year; 365 days since my friend Maria Teresa Angela D. Camara decided that it would be better to take her own life than to try and work through this tough world. 365 days and I still want to call her. 365 days and I'm still a little bitter, still a little regretful, and still a little sad. 365 days and I still feel like I never got to feel the full effect of her death. Unlike all of my other friends, I never got to go to visitation. I never got to go through her room with Tay and everyone else in our group. I never got to see the video she left us. So, in a way, I feel a little gypped. And I know that none of this is her or my fault. It's no one's fault. I refuse to place the blame on anyone or anything. Yeah, she should have come to someone. And, yeah, she shouldn't lied to us. But it's honestly too late to worry about any of that now. It's all said and done and nothing we can do can change the past. It's happened, it's done, and it's now over with. I guess it just makes me take suicide threats more seriously now. And I don't take any of the time I have with anyone for granted. You never know when the last time you get to see someone is, and the last time I got to see Panda before she died was at the orchestra Solo and Ensemble at Atherton that February.

I haven't shed a tear for her since probably on her birthday, 9.12.09, since her parent's threw her a party. But I might have to again tomorrow. I'm also going to start a new tradition: I'm going to wear a yellow ribbon both on July 9th and September 12th - Her death day [That sounds horrible] and her birthday. And in case anyone doesn't know, yellow ribbons also stand for suicide prevention/awareness.

So, tomorrow might be a hard day, but I'll make it through.

I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell.

Ugh. I don't feel good. It isn't even an "I feel sick" not good, it's a deeper feeling of not feeling good. It's somewhat unsettling and I don't like it. I hate not feeling good. Hate it, hate it, hate it. It might be my new diet here. Everything is hamburgers and fries. Grease. I'm not used to it. It makes me not have an appetite and I -HATE- not having an appetite.

I just finished one of the best games that I've ever played, ever. Mother 3. Everything about this game is incredible: music, story, character development, battle system. I even cried at the end of it. You just get so attached to the characters and it's so involving. It took me about 27 hours to complete and you can emulate a translation of it on the GBA because they never released this incredible game here in the States.

I leave for Virginia on July 18th. I can't believe it's so soon, but at the same time, it feels like it's really far off. I'm still antsy and I still want to be at VCU, in my dorm, organizing my new home for the next year. Everything it making me antsy: Otakon, VCU, IB test scores. I'm just waiting. Waiting, waiting, waiting until the time comes that everything is finally settled.

I can't believe how dependent I am on my cell phone, either. It's been shut off since June 27th and I feel so cut off from everyone. It was like my lifeline, haha. I guess that really says something about teenagers today, huh? So attached to technology. It doesn't make me want to give it up, though. I miss my phone. Period.

I might actually get in the water tomorrow. We're supposed to go out on my grandfather's boat and just...drive around. I've been really hesitant to get in the water because of my navel piercing, but I think it's at an okay point to where I can get in. Plus, the salt water might actually do it some good. Ah, well.