There comes a time when you sit down and seriously consider who really matters in your life and those people who never seem to want to be your friend except for when it's convenient for them. I suppose my first clue was that it took a little over three years to form any sort of connection with this individual. Three years to form any sort of solid - hell, it's nowhere near solid, it's more like gelatinous - friendship. And I guess it bothers me that I spent a lot of time trying to become better friends with this individual only to get brushed off. I'm done trying. I'm sick to trying to be a part of someone's life who obviously doesn't want me in it. And I think I'm mostly mad at myself for kidding myself for so long, for listening to rumors, putting stock in something so...gelatinous. And sitting here, thinking about it, only makes it hurt even more. I didn't expect this friendship, or whatever the fuck it is, to fall through so soon. Especially because I held this person in such high esteem. I give up.
On a different note, I like comparing people from different generations. Take me and my grandfather for example. Earlier today he was talking about piercings and tattoos in a negative light, saying he didn't understand the point, which I can understand. I don't exactly take a conventional stand when it comes to piercings and tattoos; I like piercings because of the pain and adrenaline rush, plus they oftentimes look AMAZING. But it makes me wonder about the future: what kinds of things will -our- generation find offensive that our grandchildren will be completely open and accepting about? It's inconceivable to me; I can't think of anything that I would find offensive or not accepting of. Hell, most of our generation is completely open to gay rights. Maybe I'm blind and it'll only be a matter of time until I find something so offensive that I feel the need to protest against it. Only the future will tell, right?
I cut my hair the other day, I gave myself bangs. I'm antsy. I'm in a transitional period at the moment and I don't think I'll be completely happy until I'm out of it. I want to move. I want to be in Richmond and start classes. If I can't be there, I want to be on familiar ground, to be with people I know. I want to dye my hair. I think I'm experiencing cabin fever. I want to leave, but I'm trapped. Confined. I'll find my way out of this box eventually, I just have to manage a little longer.
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