If this is it, don't bother 'cause this love is a lie; I'm a chemical kid, you're a mechanical bride.

I dress like a VCUarts kid. Not an Engineering major.

Still working on finding that balance for school work...it hasn't hit me yet, I guess. I should've slacked off more in high school, I think. Or maybe not have slacked off at all. I'm procrastinating. Then again, I don't suppose I was going to break that habit any time soon. The picture above? Taken just a few moments ago. I'm a procrastinator. That will probably always be a quality that I possess, not that it's necessarily a good one, but definitely better than some.

I don't know what to listen to anymore, music-wise. I have well over 13 gigs of music, none of which do I have an intense desire to listen to at the moment. Life is pretty transitional at the moment, and I guess that's how music is going for me. Or, rather, that's how music is representing it for me. The weather is -hopefully- transitioning into autumn, I'm -once again, hopefully- getting into the swing of my classes, and I'm working on becoming comfortable with myself again. I went through a bumpy road recently where I wasn't happy with my image...again. I know it gets old to hear, but I'm not sure if I'll ever get to a point where I am 100% happy with how I look, or my weight, or my figure. It's just one of those things. I'm definitely a lot happier when I accept how I look, and I feel less self-conscious about it, but that lingering feeling will still...linger. I have too many opinions on the topic, and I'm pretty set in my views. Talking about eating disorders will always bother me, even though I never had a diagnosed one. I never let it get to that point, and I'm glad for that. I'm glad I have someone I can thank for pulling me out of that mess, despite the means. And I'm not necessarily one for "the ends justifies the means" but in this case, I could forgive this individual regardless.

Nothing really spectacular has happened up to this point, so I guess I'll leave this as it is.

Redeem all ignorance. Apprentice disqualified. Percentile of relevance.

I need to get my shit together. I need to sit down and study. To read my goddamn textbooks and quit complaining about it. To focus and not get discouraged.

I know I'm not going to understand everything, and I know I'm not going to be the best at everything, but I find myself studying for a class that I don't even really need to study for. Calculus is not a foreign concept to me; I understand it. I spend more time on it because I'm familiar with it, which is counter-productive. If I've learned anything from my C's on assignments this past week is that I need to focus my attention on the subjects that I'm not all too strong in: Biology, Engineering, and Chemistry. And engineering isn't too bad once I memorize the formulas. So many formulas...

So, I thought I had made a friend who had two of my classes, that Bio major, but it turns out he's changing majors. I could still try to be friends with him, though. Maybe if I wasn't so socially awkward. Ah, well.

Theta Tau is progressing, I suppose. I haven't lost my book or my pledge pin, but things will get interesting when I have to start doing signature tasks for the brother's signatures. Or when initiation comes around. As a pledge, we're assigned a "big brother" who is supposed to be our mentor throughout the pledging process and it's kind of funny how similar me and my Big are. She's a huge math and physics person, much like myself, and she's literally like a month older than me. I find it easy to talk to her, too, which is a good thing.

I need to work on my music major audition piece. Forreal. I just haven't the means at the moment. I can't use practice rooms because you have to be a music student or have private lessons, but I can't, or I'm not supposed to, practice in my dorm room. Which, I don't really understand...considering my dorm is technically the artsy dorm with all of the artsy kids. I don't think anyone would mind too much...but I get nervous playing in front of people. That's going to have to be something I get over.

Anyway, my first college exam is tomorrow! Calculus. Of course. Haha. Nothing too horrible...and I hope I do well on it considering limits aren't my strong suit in calculus. But I should probably study some.

Peace.

You're like an outtake to a beautifully scripted scene, where the actor tripped and fell and shouted something obscene

College is feeling very real now. It's great. I've made the transition of calling my dorm room home, my roommate my newest best friend, and falling behind in classes. Who knew you actually had to READ the textbooks they make you buy. Haha.

Not even three weeks into the school semester and I'm averaging a B on chemistry homework. .___. I don't understand why I need to know the atomic theory in such detail. Sure, it's nice to know who did what and give them credit for it, but in the end, it really isn't going to help me balance equations. Or help me understand how to name ionic compounds. When do I get to take physics?

Biology has me at a loss. Macromolecules are WAY more intense and difficult and complex than I remember. Oh, and DNA transcription and translation? FML. I never was much of a biology dork. And I haven't had the opportunity to talk to that guy from my biology lab yet. Ah well. Again: when do I get to take physics?

Calculus is the epitome of study on my own. My professor cannot teach. But I'll be fine once we get out of limits. Derivatives and Integrals are easy. And I love them. REAL MATH. I love it.

Engineering has me cringing and excited at the same time. It's a class all about circuits and we never learned about that in physics. Never got to that point. So everything is so new to me. Like digital multimeters and circuit boards and resistors. But at the same time, I'm so interested in the physics behind it all. It's really cool to see an application of what I learned, like power and work, in a lab. Oh, I forgot to mention that this class is both a lecture and lab class. I'm not looking forward to lab reports, but it'll be an interesting experience.

Theta Tau: co-ed professional engineering fraternity. Guess who's a pledge!? :3 I'm kind of excited about this. It'll be a great opportunity to network and talk to like-majored individuals. Plus, the upperclassmen will be able to help me if I get stuck on classwork. I had to create this "acceptance" to my bid letter, and with the help of my lovely roommate Leah, we created a mobile. It's pretty bad-ass, actually. It has three tiers and they're shaped like gears, and we hung washers and bolts and screws from it, and I made a spirally Theta Tau on the top...I might have to upload pictures of it later. It was a fun little art project to show off a little creativity.

Speaking of creativity, I hate it when I have inspiration to create something, but it never transfers as well on paper as I envision it. For instance, I made a tweet a while about talking about how I could never just be satisfied with good memories. Then it hit me: why not try to create a brain with a necrotic-looking hippocampus? I tried to doodle it, but I am just not half as artistic as I used to be. Well, visually artistic. I used to be half-way decent with sketching and stuff, but now, I just lack inspiration. Artists block? Perhaps.

I'm thinking of a haircut and a dye job. I need it oh-so-desperately.

And my post is lacking substance, and my roommate is trying to sleep, and I have a 10 AM tomorrow. So I think I'm done for now.